When any of my coworkers start to tell me their weekend plans, I pluck a hair from their head & say, "I'll need this for later."

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) March 9, 2017

I like to say, "This is neither the time nor the place" whenever my coworkers start to tell me about their weekend plans.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) January 4, 2017

I find the best way to get your coworkers to stop telling you what they did over the weekend is to throw a baby at them.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) June 27, 2016

CW: I have a lot of things lined up for the weekend. I'm going to…
Me: *opens a bag of SunChips & doesn't' hear any of it*

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) November 13, 2015

I'm sorry I pretended to be dead when you were trying to tell me about your weekend plans.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) October 15, 2015

A don't ask, don't tell policy, except it has to do with coworkers trying to tell you about their weekend plans.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) September 11, 2015

No one wants to hear your weekend stories unless they end with, "and that's what I call a sticky situtation."

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) June 10, 2015

A rape whistle, but to blow every time your coworker's try to tell you about their weekend plans.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) March 27, 2015

Unless your weekend story was a crocodile having you in a death roll & you let it bite your arm off to save yourself, I don't really care.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) January 23, 2015

CW: I'm going away this weekend.
Me: Hang on let me check to see if I give a shit.
M: Checking…
M: Wait I found…nope still checking…

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) October 17, 2014