When I die I'd like to be wrapped in bubble wrap, so my loved ones can take turns popping it at my funeral.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) July 14, 2016

Lying dead in a closed coffin at my funeral, and yet somehow I still manage to spill mustard on my shirt.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) May 1, 2017

{On Deathbed} There's nothing good on Netflix!

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) March 21, 2017

I hope when I die that I'm only mostly dead.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) August 28, 2015

I'm going to have them play YMCA at my funeral, so that my family will be forced to stand and spell out the letters.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) August 16, 2017

I promise on my death bed to tell you all the cheat code for Double Dragon.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) November 14, 2015

Skeletor is right; just because you are dead, doesn't mean you should let yourself go.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) April 6, 2016

Most all of my problems can be solved by pretending to be dead.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) March 20, 2017

I can't find anything in this employee handbook about death masks.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) May 4, 2016

I was voted most likely to die trying to button my pants in high school.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) April 4, 2017

*Whispers on deathbed* I'm your secret Santa.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) December 8, 2015

I hope when I die I get a trophy for participation.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) June 20, 2016

I just hope someone uses the word, "buxom" in my eulogy.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) August 30, 2017

A Choose Your Own Adventure book, except you die on every page.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) May 13, 2017

When I die, I hope at least one of you will slow clap at my funeral.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) June 13, 2015

At what point in the funeral do you say, "Wait, who died?" I don't want to be rude.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) March 28, 2017