Customer: I’d like to get a refund on this DVD.
Store Clerk: {looks over DVD case} You bought the Purge? What’s wrong with it, other than unnecessary violence, acting, cinematography and basic plot structure?
Customer: It’s scratched.
Store Clerk: {Opens up DVD case} This a Baywatch DVD.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Store Clerk: I see your point. Do you have a receipt?
Customer: I have it right here. {hands clerk the receipt}
Store Clerk: This is a Borders receipt from 2008. I can’t even read what you bought, because the receipt is so worn.
Customer: It’s still a receipt.
Store Clerk: I can tell nothing from this, other than you probably paid twice as much 10 years ago, for whatever this was, than what you would now.
Customer: I’d like to speak to the manager.
Store Clerk: He’s in the breakroom, crying into a bologna sandwich.
Customer: Haven’t you ever heard that the customer is always right?
Store Clerk: Haven’t you ever heard of Redbox, Netflix, Amazon, the internet … cable theft?
Customer: I’ll wait for the manager, because the customer is always right.
Store Clerk: {points to John Mayer t-shirt} Clearly not always.
{Manager comes out from the breakroom. His eyes are bloodshot and he is hungover}
Customer: Are you the manager?
Manager: {pauses to consider this} Yes, I was promoted. Our other manager died; he choked to death on a hot pocket.
Customer: How long have you worked here?
Manager: Long enough. I’ve seen things, things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire, off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.
Customer: Isn’t that from Blade Runner?
Manager: How can I help you?
{Store clerk is staring at the clock and wishing for death}
Customer: I’d like a refund on this DVD. Here is my receipt.
Manager: {barely glances at receipt} Jeff, give this customer a refund.
Store Clerk: I’m Jeremy. I don’t even know how much to give him.
{Manager vomits into a trashcan}
Store Clerk: {gives customer $10}
Customer: This is the last time I shop at this place.
Manager: {lifts head up from trashcan} Thank you for shopping at Obsolete Electronics, where all of our merchandise is obsolete and pointless.
Store Clerk: Can I take my break now?
Manager: Sure. Just don’t use the microwave. I heated up the last of that managers hot pockets and it exploded all over the microwave.
I bet the dvd was also in an old used blockbuster case with a photocopy of the purge insert.
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Yes, it was hot off the Dot matrix printer and the edges of the paper were still perforated.
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That customer must have read Trump’s ART OF THE DEAL. With his talent, he should apply for a job in the President’s Administration and list this scam as his only qualification. HIRED!
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I think the only qualification for the Trump administration is that you don’t read.
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… Did you follow me to work to write this?? Sounds like a typical day at my job…
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Are you the hung over manager or the disgruntled store clerk in this scenario?
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Oh, I’m ABSOLUTELY the hung over manager.
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🤣🍺🍻
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🍻🍻
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I can imagine the things, some of these customers try to get away with.
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Fortunately, I’ve never worked retail. I’m guessing this is a true story. 🙂
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I worked retail when I was in high school and I remember hearing some ridiculous demands by customers.
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The problem with working in retail is that you end up hating humanity. Not from personal experience, you understand: but I’ve been told by people who have.
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