Cruz: What do you mean we hit an iceberg? I told you there was a big ass iceberg right ahead an hour ago.

Graham: I know but Mitch fell asleep at the wheel again.

{Cruz and Graham rush into the wheelhouse}

Cruz: That’s not Mitch! There’s literally a turtle steering the boat.

Paul: Shouldn’t we be trying to pump out water or round up passengers?

Hawley: No, go and rearrange the deck chairs.

Paul: What’s that going to accomplish?

Hawley: Nothing, but it will make it seem like we are doing something.

Graham: Do we have enough lifeboats for everyone?

Paul: No, we don’t because we cut everything that might save lives out of the budget.

Graham: Who is going to remain on the boat?

Cruz: Poor people, obviously.

Hawley: Some people were hurt when we hit the iceberg. Rand, go see if anyone needs medical treatment.

Paul: Why me?

Hawley: I thought you were a doctor.

Paul: I’m an ophthalmologist.

Hawley: Well, no one will be seeing you after this term anyway. HaHa … get it? I said, seeing.

Paul: No.

Graham: Did we send out a distress signal?

Cruz: Yes, but everyone said they were too far away from our coordinates.

Graham: What are you talking about? I can see Marco Rubio’s ship, the S.S. Rube, from right here on the deck.

Cruz: {shrugs shoulders}

Hawley: Omg, the turtle is heading straight for another iceberg!

Graham: We need to get into the life boats.

Paul: It looks like our entire base is going down with this ship.

The life boat sails away with the GOP. The people stare at the lifeboat as the ship begins to make its final decent into the watery abyss.

Hawley: {raises fist in the air}

Cruz: {sees turtle swimming towards lifeboat} Lindsey, would you mind grabbing the turtle.

Graham: That’s actually Mitch.

Cruz: Oh, never mind then.