Twenty Things to Say After Sex to Make it Awkward

animalsbed

1. Would you mind going online and filling out a brief survey?

2. I have to go to the bathroom and cry for awhile; please show yourself out.

3. {pull cellphone out} Oh, I forgot, my mom is still on hold.

4. Would you like to buy a magazine subscription?

5. I could really go for some better sex right about now.

6. What do you think I should name the baby?

7.ย  Do you have a minute to talk about Jesus?

8. I have to run; I’m late for my mime workshop.

9.ย  Do you want to see my collection of shrunken heads?

10. Is it okay to open my eyes now?

11. Feel free to touch my mole.

12. Well, there goes five minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

13. LOL!

14. {point to genitals} That is so sad.

15. Where am I?

16. Thank you for participating in my focus group.

17. I feel a burning sensation.

18. Flawless Victory!

19.ย You know, my stool is silky smooth.

20. Meh.

 

20 thoughts on “Twenty Things to Say After Sex to Make it Awkward

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