THE MORDANT SCRIBE

Cynical musings of an absurd mind.

Category Archives: Random Musings

List of 10 Operator Messages

There are few things that try your patience more, than waiting on hold for customer service. The same generic message is played every few minutes, followed up with elevator music, in the hopes that you will take a cyanide capsule and they don’t have to deal with you. Here’s a list of 10 messages they …

Continue reading

10 Favorite Lovable Literary Characters

Captain John Yossarian in Catch-22, by Joseph Heller – One of my favorite anti-heroes of all time. I don’t know what Jesus would do, but I know exactly what Yossarian would do, and that is either drink or pretend to be insane. Yossarian is the Bombardier, in the Fighting 256th Squadron during WWII. He is a …

Continue reading

Trump or Nixon

Trump or Nixon, the trivia game that is fun for the entire family. Which President, either Nixon and/or Trump is the correct answer. Warning: May burst into flames while you’re playing it. I am a paranoid man with an inferiority complex. My attorney general had to recuse himself. I fired the head of the FBI. …

Continue reading

Facts Are Stubborn Things

Since we live in the age of alternative facts and fake news, here are 20 of my own facts, that everyone should memorize and then use in a job interview. Fact: No one has ever peeled an entire orange. — antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) May 14, 2017 Fun Fact: Facts haven't been fun since 1982. — antisocialsocialist …

Continue reading

List of 12 Original Out of the Office Replies

Out of the office replies, let your coworkers know that you are out running through a field with cotton candy, while they are stuck in their cubicles, slowly dying. Sure, you can tell everyone that you’re out and when you’ll be back, but that’s boring. Here are 12, out of the office replies you can …

Continue reading

Mad Trump Beyond Blunderdome

Donald Trump, or ASSter Blaster if you will, runs Bartertown, which is mired in a Russian collusion scandal, that can only be described as a really lame-ass Thunderdome and coincidentally is fueled by the same thing as Bartertown, pig feces. In this arena, it doesn’t matter how many men enter, because they all leave, either …

Continue reading

Ten Ways To Prevent Your Coworkers From Telling You About Their Weekend

It’s Friday afternoon; it’s almost time to go and that one coworker, who is always just a little too happy, wants to tell you about their weekend plans and if they don’t catch you on Friday, they will find a way on Monday to corner you and tell you in excruciating detail, all about how …

Continue reading

10 Things to Say to Make It More Awkward on an Elevator.

It’s awkward enough, just standing in such close proximity with a stranger in the elevator. A Phil Collins song is playing in the background and you’re both just staring straight ahead and wishing a fiery inferno would consume the elevator. Well, here are ten things that I have posted on my Twitter account you can …

Continue reading

Horton Says, WTF? By Dr. Seuss

On the 8th of November, in the United States, in the midst of insanity, Horton heard something that caused a calamity. Horton turned on Fox News and watched with sad eyes, as the woman he voted for, said her goodbyes. He couldn’t believe it. Was it just bad luck? When Horton heard Donald Trump won …

Continue reading

Name That Russian: Everyone’s Least Favorite Game Show.

“Welcome to another exciting edition of, Name That Russian; the game show where everyone is a loser. I’m your host, Phil Bankrupt. Our first contestant is Jared Kushner. Jared, tell the audience about yourself. ” “What audience?” “The cameraman and that one old guy in the raincoat, who always sits in the back row.” “I’m a …

Continue reading