Make Extinction Level Event Great Again

dinnosaur4

It’s 66 million years ago in the Mesozoic Era. An asteroid is hurtling towards Earth and President Trumposaurus Rex is meeting with his top cabinet officials, to discuss what to do about it.

Trumposarus: {trying to pick up a brontosaurus egg with his tiny hands} I don’t understand what is going on. Something about an asseroid coming at us.

Penceadon: That’s asteroid sir.

Trumposarus: Isn’t there some way we can destroy it?

Monomattisteryx: We can’t; it’s too big.

Trumposarus: That’s what she said.

Sesslodocus: Nice one sir.

Trumposarus: Shut up Sesslodocus. I’m firing you right after this hemorrhoid hits the Earth.

Kushnaraptor: {shrieks in a high-pitched scream}

Pompeodromeus: What exactly do you do here again?

Sanderceratops: Sir, you need to tell the other dinnosaurs the bad news and to prepare themselves for something horrific.

Monomattisteryx: The asteroid is about 10 to 15 kilometers in diameter.

Trumposarus: You know I can’t count. Do you know how big a tyrannosaurs brain is?

Pompeodromeus: It will immediately cause climate disruption upon impact.

Trumposarus: Climate disruption is a hoax perpetrated by pterodactyls who want to rule the Earth.

Sesslodocus: {starts to speak but Trumposarus bites off his head}

Kushneraptor: {screeches again}

Penceadon: The impact will release dust, sulfur and carbon dioxide into the Earth’s atmosphere. The dust will block out the sun.

Trumposarus: Good, it’s too hot anyway.

Penceadon: No, that’s bad, because the plants won’t get any sun and about 75% of them will die.

Trumposarus: {finally gets the brontosaurs egg into his hands} So, who cares? I don’t eat plants.

Sanderceratops: Sir, a lot of dinosaurs, including me, only eat plants.

Trumposarus: Sucks to be you.

Monomattisteryx: I don’t think you understand. The dinosaurs and other animals that you eat, will die out, because they won’t have anything to eat.

Pompeodromeus: It’s a lot more than that. It’s hitting in water, so it is going to create a megatsunami, probably over 33 feet tall.

Trumposarus: See, I told you we should have built that wall.

Pompedromeus: A wall wouldn’t make a difference in this case. The impact will also cause wildfires to erupt and the shock waves  will trigger global earthquakes and volcanic eruptions.

Penceadon: What are you going to tell the other dinosaurs?

Trumposarus: I’m going to tell them it’s all fake news and that it’s going to a big beautiful asteroid, that’s going to do great things. Very great things. You’ve never seen an asteroid like this, believe me.

Sanderceratops: I’ll gather all the dinosaurs together, so you can address them.

Trumposarus: Can someone wrap up that head for me in a to-go box? I want to save that for later.

 

 

 

11 thoughts on “Make Extinction Level Event Great Again

  1. “I’m going to tell them it’s all fake news and that it’s going to a big beautiful asteroid, that’s going to do great things. Very great things. You’ve never seen an asteroid like this, believe me.” OMG. I just saw him say this on TV. We’re all doomed. I hope all the dinosaurs vote in November.

    Liked by 2 people

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