THE MORDANT SCRIBE

Cynical musings of an absurd mind.

Horton Says, WTF? By Dr. Seuss

elephant beach

On the 8th of November, in the United States, in the midst of insanity, Horton heard something that caused a calamity.

Horton turned on Fox News and watched with sad eyes, as the woman he voted for, said her goodbyes.

He couldn’t believe it. Was it just bad luck? When Horton heard Donald Trump won the presidency, he said, “what the fuck?”

No way the President is that silly orange man. No way is it the guy, who was endorsed by the Klan.

The country is doomed now, if this is how it stands. We’ve elected a man with tiny-sized hands.

It was crazy, the things he had said. How did he win? The man couldn’t hold two thoughts in his head.

No, this simply won’t do. He did not win the popular vote. What a big pile of poo!

He’ll destroy our healthcare and hurt the elderly and sick. He’ll get rid of meals on wheels, which made Horton say, “what a dick!”

Trump will sign executive orders right and left and left and right. He’ll roll back Obama’s policies just out of spite.

You just wait and see. He’ll issue a travel band on Muslim countries, which made Horton say, “oh, fuck me!”

His Presidency will be shrouded in Russian hacking and spies. An albino Press Secretary will spin all his lies.

Would everything work out? The chances were small, not with his Chief Strategist, Erwin Rommel, with one ring to rule them all.

They’ll be homophobic and xenophobic polices that aren’t very nice. No indeed, not with a Vice President they carved out of ice.

He’ll have a crazy counselor; the worse to be found. A blonde, who looks like she got spun too fast on the merry-go-round.

Horton did not know what to think. What could he do? Well, first things first, Horton said, “I need a drink!”

Horton drank shot after shot and he got thoroughly drunk. Will this stand? Horton said, “I think not.”

He had a plan. Now he knew what to do. He said, “I will go to D.C,” and then threw up on his shoe.

He would not let democracy die. Horton jumped on his Moped, because he lost his license after his third DUI.

Horton will do something, in that you can trust. He crawled along on his Moped muttering, “impeachment or bust!”

Horton started to feel sick and it was getting dark. He pulled over to lie down on the bench in the park.

Before he passed out he thought, the whole thing really did suck. “I say,” murmured Horton, “what the fuck?”

4 Comments

  1. He’ll smog up the air, fill rivers with goop
    Bow down to Dow Chemical and poison our soup.
    For a buck, he’ll deny the existence of science
    And the Earth will burn for the idiot’s defiance.
    Perhaps one day, a light will spark in his head
    When he learns he can’t live on a planet that’s dead.
    Or maybe not.

    Liked by 1 person

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